We can help marriage and families to thrive in many ways. For example, we all have heard of improving communication, spending more time together as a couple, implementing more empathy and understanding, etc. All of those principles are great. Today, however, I want to discuss some different ways you can improve your marriage and family life, ways I never knew before I studied the cited article below. To explain those ways or principles, I will explain the Family Systems Theory and which assumptions we, as individuals and families, need to be aware of if we are going to understand the importance of and enact these principles into our families.

Family Systems Theory

The Family Systems Theory is a theory that states that the family is an emotional and social unit and thereby must be evaluated as such, not in isolation. This theory states that the whole of the family is greater than the sum of its parts.

5 Family Systems Theory assumptions and Principles:

1. Circular causality guides behavior: the idea that what people do and say affect many others in several different ways and directions. For example, when there is a fight between a husband and wife, each does something because the other is doing something they don’t like; they don’t know with whom the problems start because they are stuck in a cycle. This reinforces the negative behavior we don’t appreciate in others. Problems do not lie in one individual; it lies in the entire family.
   1. Principle: We all have positive and negative circular causalities. Recognize your negative circular causalities and stop the cycle. We can choose to partake in the cycles we desire.
2. Rules result from the redundancy principle and are critical in defining a family. Rules are created right when a couple meets, and several of our reservoir of rules are used in every situation over and over. We all know about the rules we verbally express, such as “no running in the house”. However, are we just as aware of the nonverbal, never expressed rules we may use? Such as expectations for the husband to make all the money for the family.
   1. Principle: Families need clear rules so they can feel safe and secure. If there are unspoken rules/expectations that are negative, the family suffers. I invite you to recognize the unspoken rules you may place on your family and evaluate their need and usefulness for the family. I then invite you to either make those rules known to the family and/or get rid of the ones that are not serving your family.
3. Feedback loops guide behavior. Feedback loops are a way families try to correct behavior and return to homeostasis or equilibrium (normal behavior). There are negative and positive feedback loops. Negative feedback loops are not bad; they discourage any behavior that is out of line for the family. For example, a mom may give her son “the look” which discourages him from reaching in the cookie jar again. Positive feedback loops are not necessarily good; they encourage the behavior that will create balance and homeostasis. For example, a person is encouraged to break free from a dysfunctional situation so they may find balance.
   1. Principle: I invite you to look at your life and see what your positive and negative feedback loops are. Remember, feedback loops are needed; however, we don’t want to become manipulative or controlling as we strive to use these feedback loops to get back to homeostasis. Are your feedback loops serving you and your family well?
4. All family members take on roles, which are recurring behaviors an individual makes to contribute to family functioning. Each of us has a role to play in our family. If our roles are not clearly defined, however, it is difficult to cope with stress, both individually and as a family.
   1. Principle: Look at your roles, good or bad, in the family; do you know them? How do your roles affect your family? Do the members of your family know their roles; how do their roles affect the family?
5. Family types are based on the rigidity of family boundaries. All families need to have boundaries. Much of family life is private and must stay within the marriage and family. However, we also want to interact with others. We don’t want to be overly private nor overly open; both result in the destruction of the family.
   1. Principle: Look at the boundaries you have with others around you and your family. Are you more private, open, or in between? Do you have boundaries between your spouse? We don’t want to have boundaries between our spouse, for that destroys the oneness of marriage and may destroy the marriage altogether.

I hope these tips help!

References:

Ingoldsby, B. B., Smith, S. R., & Miller, J. E. (2004). Exploring family theories: Second edition. Family Systems Theory. Retrieved from

file:///C:/Users/chelsRJ/Downloads/faml360_document_ingoldsbyCh5.pdf